i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
