My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
