Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
