I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
