don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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