so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you.
Bad choice
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