I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
