My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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