addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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