i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
