Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
