My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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