I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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