were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
