just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
