apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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