theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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