So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
there is glitter all over my balls
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