Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
