frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
