You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
