That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
