How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
