where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
