Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
