I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
