Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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