Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
