If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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