I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
