I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
