Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm too high and old for this...
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