he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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