he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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