Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
