she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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