he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
