Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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