yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The beer is more important than you right now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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