She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I will be naked everywhere
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
