2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
