can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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