I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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