peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
