I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
