All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
