New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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