I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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