You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
