The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
