the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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