I'm really into asian looking animals
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
