you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
