I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
