I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again