Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
