alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic