I hope mine doesn't look like that
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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