Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.