You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
