I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
