it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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