Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
