When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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