i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
