So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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