I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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