If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to rekindle our bromance
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
