I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
