I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
