apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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