Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
