My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
