I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
