Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
