To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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