It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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