I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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