I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
