I must be too annoying 4 u.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We're too hungover to prance.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
