can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize