I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
