I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
