I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's an acceptable place to lick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize