I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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