omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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