he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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