i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
