her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize