just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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